Angry Pre-Teen: “Too Many Fat People”

After visiting Wet ‘N’ Wild Water World yesterday, disturbed pre-teen Brendan Gilmore was disappointed at the amount of fat people at the popular Gold Coast park, sources say. “I was about to buy a hot dog, but then this really fat guy in Speedos came towards me – it wasn’t a pretty sight. We were all put off our food, and my friends couldn’t eat for the rest of the day, I was worried about them.”

The incident highlights the growing issue of overweight people wearing revealing bathing suits in public places. “Laws and Regulations need to be established, we can’t just turn a blind eye; this is a problem of heavy proportions. The public needs to wake up to this crisis”, commented leading Harvard social philosopher Woodrow Andrews.

“At first we just laughed at the fat people, but then we got stuck with this really big buy on Mammoth Falls, and our raft nearly capsized; we could have been killed”, added a distraught Gilmore.

Wet ‘N’ Wild were unavailable for comment.