Coaster enthusiast Frank Reynold has never been very popular with the ladies. In fact, just last night he was rejected on 17 different occasions at the same bar. Only now, has he realised, it will take more than his ‘amazing knowledge of coasters’ to attract members of the opposite sex.
It was while he was being rejected by a woman named ‘Sarah’ that he realised his coaster-related jokes weren’t working. “I was telling her about why Son of Beast’s initials are so humorous, when she suddenly looked at me strange and told me she 'had to go'," said Reynold. “That one usually gets heaps of laughs on the forums, so I figured she might like it. I guess I was wrong.”
Reynold says although it is weird women don’t like talking about coasters; he’ll have to stop if he wants to ‘pick up’. “From now on, when I talk to the ladies, I’m going to start focusing on my other hobbies, such as playing the bagpipes, making artwork out of my toenail clippings and picking my nose.”
Despite Reynold’s efforts, AAL believes it will take a lot more than a personality change to make him popular amongst the women. AAL fashion consultant Carson Presley believes Reynold will have to undergo ‘major cosmetic surgery’, and possibly even a ‘suction lipectomy’. “Oh yeah, that fatass needs some serious surgery,” says Presley.
In an attempt to meet women, Reynold will be visiting the site of ill-fated theme park Wonderland Sydney next week, and puts out an open invitation to anyone who would like to meet with him. “If there are any ladies who want to check out the Wonderland site, you’re welcome to join me. I’m not a creep or a weirdo or anything.”
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