Suicide Rate on the Rise

Following today’s announcement that Dreamworld have extended their 5 year contract with the Southern Star group (the production group responsible for reality TV show Big Brother) for another 3 years, suicide rates have risen dramatically, say police officials.

“Pretty much as soon as the announcement took place, the suicide help line’s switchboard went crazy,” commented Police Federation of Australia president Mike Burgess. “Unfortunately, people felt that self-termination was the only answer to Big Brother’s wrath.”

Suicide rates have increased 206% from the same time last year, and the issue is even worrying Prime Minister John Howard. “That show is stupid; I don’t think their contract should be extended at all,” says the Prime Minister. “I think Channel Ten really needs to rethink their programming.”

Big Brother executive producer Kris Noble, on the other hand, was adamant the increase in the suicide rate is not due to the show’s contract being extended. “This is Big Brother; Mike Burgess, you are not to speak about the rate of suicide being directly linked to the extension of our contract, that is all,” commented Noble.