LPS - The 'S' Is For 'Sucks'

It’s big, it’s smelly and it’s expensive. That’s right; we’re talking about seaside amusement park Luna Park Sydney.

In a recent University of New South Wales study, scientists have discovered that Luna Park Sydney does in fact, suck.

“Our two-year study concluded last week,” said UNSW Head of Science Evan Felafel. “And the findings were not surprising. Our extensive research showed that, as expected, Luna Park Sydney sucks.
“The study involved sending one of our top scientists, Winston Jillion, to Luna Park Sydney daily to analyse the parks general performance in a number of fields, including staff friendliness, food quality, pricing etc. As predicted, the park failed miserably in basically all areas. There was one instance where LPS did remarkably well however, and that was the ‘Shitty Carny Rides’ criteria. They passed that one with flying colours!”

Due to the nature of the study, much controversy has arisen among the coaster community. Luna Park fanboy and theme-park enthusiast John Li had this to say: “Why must they degrade my favourite park like this? Shouldn’t they be finding a cure for cancer or something?”

Others were happy about the announcement. “Finally, the Luna Park debate can be put to sleep,” said enthusiast Joe Weston. “Now that it’s official that LPS sucks, those fanboys can finally STFU (sic). It’s a real victory for those of us who are f*cking tired of hearing why Luna Park Sydney doesn’t suck, when it clearly does.”

A Monash University study is currently being undertaken on the suckiness of Luna Park Melbourne.