Obese Enthusiast Ejected From WhiteWater World
Yesterday James Rose, a morbidly obese coaster enthusiast from Brisbane, became the first person ever to be indefinitely banned from the Gold Coast’s newest theme park, WhiteWater World.
The incident occurred when Rose refused to cooperate with a park lifeguard.
The enthusiast had purchased from a vendor 7 hot dogs and an extra large Coke, expecting to be able to consume his meal whilst riding the ‘Blue Ringed Octopus’ attraction, but was told by a WhiteWater World lifeguard that eating is not permitted on the park’s waterslides. The lifeguard also informed Rose that he is probably “too fat” to get on the slide anyway.
“I am shocked and appalled,” wailed a dispirited Rose, reaching for another Oreo. “All I wanted to do was go on the waterslide with my hot dogs. I would have been the first person in WhiteWater World history to simultaneously eat and ride. Instead, I’m the first person to be banned from the park. My life sucks.”
The enthusiast’s indefinite ban was imposed upon him when he angrily began cursing at the lifeguard, and threatened to “sue the pants off (Macquarie Leisure).”
Rose now plans to hold a protest outside WhiteWater World in order to dispute his ban, but attempts to assemble an angry mob have met with little success.
“I’m calling it the ‘Rose Rebellion’. We’re expecting a crowd of around 42,000 protesters,” Rose said, whilst searching for ‘How 2 pubic speek like Hitler’ (sic) on search engine Google. “Of course, we’re in planning stages at the moment, so the number is marginally lower than that right now.”
When AAL requested a ‘ball park’ figure of the number of protesters Rose has assembled so far, his reply was “One - - including me.”
The incident occurred when Rose refused to cooperate with a park lifeguard.
The enthusiast had purchased from a vendor 7 hot dogs and an extra large Coke, expecting to be able to consume his meal whilst riding the ‘Blue Ringed Octopus’ attraction, but was told by a WhiteWater World lifeguard that eating is not permitted on the park’s waterslides. The lifeguard also informed Rose that he is probably “too fat” to get on the slide anyway.
“I am shocked and appalled,” wailed a dispirited Rose, reaching for another Oreo. “All I wanted to do was go on the waterslide with my hot dogs. I would have been the first person in WhiteWater World history to simultaneously eat and ride. Instead, I’m the first person to be banned from the park. My life sucks.”
The enthusiast’s indefinite ban was imposed upon him when he angrily began cursing at the lifeguard, and threatened to “sue the pants off (Macquarie Leisure).”
Rose now plans to hold a protest outside WhiteWater World in order to dispute his ban, but attempts to assemble an angry mob have met with little success.
“I’m calling it the ‘Rose Rebellion’. We’re expecting a crowd of around 42,000 protesters,” Rose said, whilst searching for ‘How 2 pubic speek like Hitler’ (sic) on search engine Google. “Of course, we’re in planning stages at the moment, so the number is marginally lower than that right now.”
When AAL requested a ‘ball park’ figure of the number of protesters Rose has assembled so far, his reply was “One - - including me.”
posted by AAL at 12:01 AM
7 Comments:
Oh My god that was great, my fav bit was “I am shocked and appalled,” wailed a dispirited Rose, reaching for another Oreo. hahaha
I love it how no-one comments when there is nothing to bitch about.
^We could bitch about the fact that people don't comment when there's nothing to bitch about?
uhh... doesn't it kinda make perfect sense when there's nothing to talk about that we don't talk?
Exactly! Don't be a stupid fuck.
Hurry up and make a new arctile.
Hurry up and make a new arctile.
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