Angry Pre-Teen: “Too Many Fat People”

After visiting Wet ‘N’ Wild Water World yesterday, disturbed pre-teen Brendan Gilmore was disappointed at the amount of fat people at the popular Gold Coast park, sources say. “I was about to buy a hot dog, but then this really fat guy in Speedos came towards me – it wasn’t a pretty sight. We were all put off our food, and my friends couldn’t eat for the rest of the day, I was worried about them.”

The incident highlights the growing issue of overweight people wearing revealing bathing suits in public places. “Laws and Regulations need to be established, we can’t just turn a blind eye; this is a problem of heavy proportions. The public needs to wake up to this crisis”, commented leading Harvard social philosopher Woodrow Andrews.

“At first we just laughed at the fat people, but then we got stuck with this really big buy on Mammoth Falls, and our raft nearly capsized; we could have been killed”, added a distraught Gilmore.

Wet ‘N’ Wild were unavailable for comment.

Man Proclaims Cyclone Favourite Coaster

Dreamworld’s looping coaster ‘Cyclone’ has never proved very popular among enthusiasts, but that’s not to say members of the public don’t enjoy it. Last week South Australia resident Bill Keenwood proclaimed it “the best coaster ever.”
"It’s bloody tremendous” remarked Keenwood, still breathing heavily from excitement.

“I’ve ridden a few coasters in my time – the ones at Luna Park, and even one at the Adelaide Show a few years back. My favourite part of it was the sideways loop near the end.”

Mr Keenwood also commented on the rides smoothness and efficiency “Some coasters have really long lines and are really bumpy, but not the Cyclone – we were on within 50 minutes of joining the queue, and the ride was smooth as a babies bottom”. After pausing and thinking, Mr Keenwood added “Well, it was all smooth, except for every part after the lift hill”.

Mr Keenwood will be returning to Adelaide next week.

Public Opinion - Sea World 2007

Lately, the Roller-Coaster.com.au forums have been abuzz with speculation regarding Sea Worlds new coaster for 2007. Although the coaster is unconfirmed, it is likely to be an Intamin Halfpipe coaster. With this information, AAL set out to ask Gold Coast residents what they think of Sea World’s newest attraction.
"Intimate Halfpipe? Yeah, I think the missus used to have one of them, good for when I was away on business. Hey, what does this have to do with that new rolly-coaster?" Commented local cretin Terry Garrinson. He then threatened AAL with a sawn-off shotgun and machete. Another resident, Amanda Carpenter said: "Sea World is my favourite park on the Gold Coast. It's non-stop fun at Sea World; there's constantly something to do. Whether you're on a family holiday, visiting with your friends, or just interested in marine life, there’s always a great atmosphere". We are required to disclose that Ms Carpenter is a Sea World employee.

DreamNeva Media Release

Today troubled Australian coaster site DreamNeva.com published a Media Release regarding the launch of the site. The release contains information on the site's media gallery, and also reveals there will be not one, but two beta versions in the first two months of opening.

Very soon, a new breed of online coaster sites is going to hit the screen of a few. Just when you thought Australia had enough coaster sites (Roller-Coaster.com.au, OzCoaster, ThrillHistory.com, AAF, Australian Coaster Tycoons, Zencoaster, AussieParks.com and OzThrills) DreamNeva is coming. Yes, very soon the country with more coaster websites than coaster enthusiasts will be welcoming DreamNeva, a website which will revolutionise the tourism industry (by tourism industry, we mean 79 coaster nerds who post on online message boards), and simultaneously, bring cease fire to the war in Iraq.

Now for the details. First and foremost, there will be two versions of DreamNeva in the first two months of opening (if any of you are alive to witness it). Version one will bring with it lots of photos, including exclusive shots of the vandalism in the Tower of Terror queue line at Dreamworld. Effectively, version two will be exactly the same (it sounds more professional if we have two versions).

But DreamNeva doesn't stop at the gate; instead, we will continue to bring our media, such as photos and videos in some of the latest 'only computer nerds understand' technology, such as Apples new H.264 codec, which is awesome. Add the fact that all of our pictures are 1 megapixel or higher, DreamNeva will set the standard now, and for many years to come (assuming we open in the next few years).

You can rest assured though; the wait is probably not worth it. It's a key motto here at DreamNeva - why open websites, when you can keep them closed?

Joseph Stipplefold

Vice Managing Executive Director of DelayNova industries for the South Pacific region.

DreamNeva is expected to open sometime in the next decade.

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