Enthusiast Makes Friend, Celebrates

Today coaster enthusiast and former loner Bevin Nitroso revealed to four of his best ‘net-buddies’ that he has, amazingly, found a real friend.

The shocking news comes after Nitroso yesterday left his home for the first time in 7 months, for the sole reason of picking up the morning paper.

“I went outside to pick up the newspaper,” said a somewhat disoriented Nitroso, still partially blinded from the natural light of the sun. “And then this girl walked past. She said she lived next-door, and then said something about the weather or something. As soon as the encounter occurred, I ran inside and posted about my female encounter on the forums.

“I was just so proud,” added Nitroso.

Two hours after the brief encounter, Nitroso received a phone call from the inquisitive neighbour, who wanted to know whether he wanted to come over for dinner. “I declined, of course – I was bidding on an over-the-shoulder restraint from Thunderbolt on eBay at the time, so I couldn’t leave the house.”

The enthusiast is heavily envied on online message boards, with some enthusiasts calling him a ‘God’, and others ‘the coolest coaster enthusiast to ever walk the face of the earth’; but Nitroso says he’s still the same guy he was before he became ‘exceedingly popular’. “I’m still the Giant-Drop-loving, Cyclone-hating enthusiast I was before all this happened,” Nitroso said. “With popularity comes great responsibility, and that’s why I’m starting the Bevin Nitroso Fund, a charitable organisation aimed at helping socially inept coaster enthusiasts make, and maintain, friends.”

To make a donation to the charity, either call 1800-BE-COOL, or alternatively, send a cheque to The Gavin Nitroso Fund for Socially Inept Coaster Enthusiast, PO Box 242, Seaforth, NSW.