Dreamworld To Raise Prices, Dirtiness

Today Dreamworld CEO Steven Gregg announced plans to “slightly amplify” the park’s ticket prices, and also the park’s dirtiness.

Gregg said that due to the construction of Macquarie Leisure’s new water-park WhiteWater World, the company is slightly “strapped for cash”, and also implemented a new policy which would cut park cleaning staff “slightly more than 99%”.

“Ticket prices will be slightly inflated,” said a perspiring Gregg, after dropping a handful of notes from his trembling hands. “As of December, the cost of a daily pass will be raised to the still-low price of $39,990. We’re also executing a new cost-cutting measure which will render cleaning staff redundant.”

Unfortunately, Gregg’s new scheme involves little more than placing signs around the park which will encourage guests to throw away their waste. “The new regime should…uhh…be really good,” added Gregg, just before he was egged offstage by angry theme park fans.

Luckily, coaster enthusiasts from various Australian theme park websites have grouped together to tackle Gregg’s new regime, which has, inappropriately been compared to the Holocaust by some enterprising enthusiasts. “Down with Gregg!,” screamed one over-enthusiastic Dreamworld fan, who wanted only to be identified as ‘Wipeout Man’. “We can’t let Gregg do this to us!”

Macquarie Leisure stock today steadied at $0.02.